Fall

Fall has arrived, the world is growing colder and there is a scent of death in the air. I love this time of year, the beauty and slight chill. There is a magic in the dying of all around you, even more so with the fact that you know all will come to life again in the spring.
The miracle of life is an amazing thing, each process that is taken. Our lives are so similar to the ever changing seasons, most would say that I am still in my spring, not yet having reached the summer, but ever growing closer.

Mediocrity

I know that it is a foolish desire of mine to be more than mediocre. I desire to make a difference, to do something that is life altering. I don't want to sit on the side lines, watching others help, save, and change the world. But who am I? The answer is simple, I am nothing. Nothing extraordinary, I am barely average. How can I make a difference? No matter how many lives I save by putting dangerous criminals behind bars, no matter how many children I attempt to help through charities, no matter how many people I hope to inspire through writing. What good has it all done, have I made any difference or have my acts just been solitary drops of water in the ocean of this life. I am less than the dust of the earth, how can I ever hope to make a contributing difference in this life.

Simple

Do you ever wish that things where just simpler. Our emotions, dreams; we make them so complicated. I am tired of complications and the pain that accompanies it. I work hard to accomplish what I believe is the right course for me but I am always wondering in the back of my mind if I am making some kind of mistake. Have I been foolish in my pursuits? What is in the end, what does it hold? We go through life in so many different stages and when we get to the end stage, when I get to the end stage I am afraid I will look back on an insignificant life. But try as I might to stop that from happening I cannot help but wonder if it is all inevitable; can we ever escape the consequences of our lives, even if those consequences to others seem so wonderful. Are we ever happy with what we are or do we always look to what others are and wish our lives away?

Wind!

I am tired, I seem to be getting less and less sleep the more I try to regulate my sleeping. I have terrible insomnia and no matter what I do it seems to hold on strong. I usually love the wind, a soft breeze blowing, whispering stories from far off places to the solitary giant trees. When I was little I lived in a town where about once a year in the summer we would have these huge windstorms that usually knocked down a couple trees but for those one or two days it was a lot of fun. I now live in a city where it is constantly windy, and I am not talking about a soft breeze, we get 40 mph wind and it is not just gusts but constant. so right now I am not fond of the wind and would appreciate a small break to catch the breath it has taken from me!

Crusoe Envy

I have to admit on many occasions having had Crusoe envy. Living alone on a tropical island with amazing gadgets and animal life and perhaps one great friend, but more or less alone would be wonderful. I often find people annoying! It amazes me how often people seem to choose not to use the brain that they have been given and if they are using the brain they have been given perhaps they should ask for a refund. How can people be so deficient in intelligence? I understand and sympathize with individuals suffering from a disease or impairment that hinders their abilities. But what of the thousands of others who have no impairment but choose to act in a way that causes me to think they have donated most if not all of their thinking and reasoning capabilities to an obvious internet/phone scam. Where their brains where before this I don’t think even they knew.
Suffice it to say that living alone on an island is very palatable to me.

Can we escape the Past?

Can we ever really leave the past? I have just recently been reminded through conversations with an associate in my childhood that we can never really leave behind us the things or labels we attained in our youth. I would have thought that the gossip and back biting would have ended ages ago but alas I find that the bitter and jealousy of youth transcends into the fabric of our adult lives. At least it seems to be the case with my associate and in all honesty I am sure myself as well. For me it isn’t the jealousy necessarily but the fear. The fear of the hate and cruelty that the human race seems driven to inflict upon each other. It seems that no matter the accomplishments we have achieved in the later years of our lives we will forever be stained with remnants of our past. Or is it those stains of our past that define who we are. Does the culmination of each of our stains transcend to more that what they appear, are we each of us a Rorschach ink-blot seeing ourselves in one light while others view us so differently.

Title

"Midway upon the journey of our life
I found myself within a forest dark,
For the straightforward pathway had been lost.
Ah me! how hard a thing it is to say
What was this forest savage, rough, and stern,
Which in the very thought renews the fear."

-Dante Alighieri (The Inferno)